Bit of an informal blog, I find it easier to describe my feelings using metaphors, a bit like a thought experiment that I can relate to, some are a bit weird, but they make sense to me, so here are a few:
Attempting eye contact is like a heat seeking missile that cannot lock onto its target.
One can only afford so much fuel to burn...
Being social feels like riding a motorbike at 100mph whilst trying to balance a pint of guinness on my head....
If society is an organism, each person is a cell, then money is the cancer.
Comparing my peers to myself is like comparing a cheap easy to eat mc donalds burger to a fillet steak. Yes it will be cheap, easier to chew, and quicker to eat, takes less effort, but what nutrients does it have? Will it fill your tummy so well? Will it taste as good?
Maintaining eye contact feels like looking directly into the sun with a telescope.
Social contact makes me behave like an air cooled engine stuck in a traffic jam.
100% freedom is no different to a virus invading a body. the planet is like an organism. humankind and the freedom to over breed and consume, is like a virus, if we carry on the way we do the earth as it currently is will die.
My brain is like a computer with a huge hard drive, fast processor but a tiny amount of RAM, and the wrong software!
I end up looking at the world through a pair of powerful binoculars rather than a crude, short sighted panoramic device that tries desperately to fix onto an object it cant even properly see.
Does one drink out of a social cup or a social jug?
I am like a 5 year old child and an 80 year old man trapped in a 25 year old man's body.
Lack of acknowledgement, logic and routine feels like a petrol engine trying to run on diesel.
I wonder how much grey matter the universe holds
My mind feels like a house plant that is too big for its pot.
My emotions can be compared to someone playing around with the volume switch and changing channels at random.
To compare a NT to someone with aspegers is like comparing a Sherman tank to a King Tiger!
To compare an aspie to neurotypical is like comparing a pine forest to a jungle, neither is superior, just different.
A coping measure can be compared to
Friends, relationships and people can be comapred to different types of stars:
Red dwarf - A little boring but steady but long lasting and totally reliable,
Brown dwarf - Tries hard to relate but will never quite understand, long term associate maybe
Average star like the sun - can take it or leave it
Blue giant - Intense, fun, but only healthy in short bursts
black hole - Mysterious, annoying, and they will eventually grind you down and ruin your self esteem, a bit like society in general
Red giant - Full of energy, personality very outgoing but it has to end at some point
Every day is like firing the afterburner and then running out of fuel. And we all know a jet engine doesnt work without any fuel, if you are unlucky the engines will cut out in mid flight and the result you fall back to the ground, but then you might be at 29,000 ft or just off the ground. If you are lucky all the fuel will run out before you have even taken off, but in the long run that situation isnt healthy as a plane that could never take off has no function.
Another problem is, the plane is so heavy that it needs that afterburner to take off, the fuel tanks have a limited capcity, but the pilot doesnt know how long it should be on for.....
Its a fine line. Does the plane need to be that loaded up? Can it do its duties with less baggage on board? Do the engines need to be more efficient? Can the plane fly somewhere else a bit nearer? Maybe the fuel was of the wrong type....its an ongoing battle especially when you being the pilot are not able to recieve the data he or she needs. All he or she wants to do is fly the plane to its destination drop off the goods and fly back home with a different set of goods.
Every flight out is to deliver something totally different to a different destination, without being aware of that destination. A journey into the unknown.
I run on unreliable rechargable batteries, which can lose their charge at random intervals. Bad days are when they have to be re charged. If there is too much sensory and emotional input during the recharging process, the mental energy will not be enough to sustain a response.
Impulsive behaviour can be compared to issac newton's third law of motion 'for every action there must be a reaction'