Thursday, 26 March 2009

The Power of Mozart

Something about his music just hits the spot. When I am feeling confused, low, angry, or even happy, I can play mozart and hear/experience purity, perfection and youth. His cheeky knack at finding that hysterical sweet spot within his compositions can bring a tear to the eye. Mozart’s means of expression is precisely as ‘simple’ and as ‘complicated’ as are emotions, it explores every avenue, until every possibility appears to have been exhausted, but then you realise the possibilities are endless. Exploring loneliness and affection mixed with a dreamy sense of fun.

His music provides comfort, warmth, and mental enrichment. This is possibly due to such a broad mix of tonality, and a stylish sequencing of notes that would provide a form of musical witticism which could only have been concieved by a bombastic genius, exposing your inner child that never wants to disappear. Light and fluffy on the outside, multi layered complexity underneath, which pulls one by the ears to the depths of hell and the loftiest clouds of heaven.
Whether it is eine kleine nachtmusik (personal favourite), the marriage of figaro, or symphony No 40, it has the effect of an addictive drug, I will get withdrawal symptoms, crave it and when I expose my ears to his creation again it raises my conciousness to another level, providing the perfect escape leaving my mind refreshed. I can physically freeze, having to put all my energy into absorbing this aural feast and feel all the better for it. I can play a single track over and over again without getting bored of it, focusing each time on the different layers of thought that went into its creation.

As much as I love various musical genres such as heavy metal, blues, jazz, prog rock, new age, reggae and various other classical composers, mozart has to be the most timeless of all the artists. If Beethoven is the soul of classical music, Bach being the backbone, mozart is most certainly the face, being able to communicate on so many levels with just a single piece (that sounds ironic coming from me as I am not very good at reading faces!). Sensory sensitivity has its advantages!

Monday, 16 March 2009

Typical monday morning

hmm what do I do today? what was I going to do today? did I lock the back door? did I remember to make my lunch? oh no im 2 minutes late for work, PANIC! Oh damn I forgot to brush my teeth. Oh shit, I have to say im very well when I walk into the office when infact I feel like crud. I have loads to do at work, where do I start? Oh shit I was meant to put the backup tape in on friday, *gets a telling off from his manager*. Stop fidgeting during a meeting says my manager... hmm did I remember to take my pills this morning...I cant remember. adrenaline levels rising (someone keeps coughing randomly and VERY loudly.. becoming unbearable...server whizzing away, drilling into my soul. Reaching breaking point....time to go home, darn someone is in the bathroom, I always have my bath as soon as I get home! grrrrrrr *bangs on bathroom door...OI HURRY UP I NEED MY BATH! Oh and now someone is using the microwave, I always have my dinner at 6 o clock. GRRR *takes out whatever is cooking in the microwave and puts his own food in there* Oh what now? someone has sent me a text asking if I fancy a drink tonight? Get stuffed you should have asked me last week so I can mentally prepare...!

Is someone talking to me? Im watching this documentary about the death of the universe, stop bothering me! Program is over, I ask what they wanted (40 mins later), im told to stop being so selfish, not sure what they mean so I lose my temper, throw a cup of coffee across the room and storm off. I put on a led zeppelin song, listen to it over and over again while surfing the net. Oh shit! its time for bed, it is 11.59 and 30 seconds... better take my pills, brush my teeth, go toilet. hmm did I just take my pills? I cant remember, better take em again incase I forgot I dont want a brainstorm in the middle of the night.

Same again tomorrow!

Sunday, 15 March 2009

A walking contradiction

I will just go out and say it, I love playing lego, watching thomas the tank engine, making strange gurgling noises, making up strange new words, making strange bodily movements including laying on the floor the wriggling about, playing my musical instruments, making totally irrelevent comments that only I understand but annoy people. Im no different to my 5 year old nephew then (his personality is worrying similar to mine, and I hate to say it but I hope he never changes!).

But then I could spend a whole evening calculating intake velocity, piston speed, and other meaningless bits and pieces regarding my motorcycle, or maybe spend a whole evening listening to a BB king song over and over again.

Having said that I always worry about the future of this planet, the decling morals of society, the ignornace and bigotry displayed across the population, the global financial crisis, work issues and any slight issue during the day that might cause any kind of stress.

I seem only able relate to kids under ten or people twice my age, with one exception, for different reasons. I dont feel too nervous around them and things flow so much easier. Probably because young kids are honest, innocent and curious, not to mention silly! Older people tend to have more wisdom. I seem to have inherited the best and worst aspects of the extreme ends of the mental lifespan, but to be honest I am not one to judge whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

The tired phrase 'act your age' is so overrated! What am I then? A normal 25 year old man, someone who over-uses logic to attempt to steer through life, someone who has a mental age of a 5 year old, a bitter old man who should get over it, or maybe, just maybe someone who is all of these. No wonder I just end up fighting myself most of the time, just for a sense of identity. Not many people have seen all the sides of my personality, most have seen parts of it more than often the negative parts are the surface, the positive parts on the inside. It takes a certain someone to be able to see that inner part, and an even more special someone to appreciate it. Who knows if anyone else will be able to see it apart from my immediate family and a friend ive known for a long time. I am definately not a person who someone can warm to initially, partly for reasons I cannot control, but I guess the goal is learn how to 'fake' the initiation somehow to provide some kind of tunnel into the real part. I cant even imagine how I must seem to people who dont have this tunnel vision. It cant be pretty.