Sunday, 15 March 2009

A walking contradiction

I will just go out and say it, I love playing lego, watching thomas the tank engine, making strange gurgling noises, making up strange new words, making strange bodily movements including laying on the floor the wriggling about, playing my musical instruments, making totally irrelevent comments that only I understand but annoy people. Im no different to my 5 year old nephew then (his personality is worrying similar to mine, and I hate to say it but I hope he never changes!).

But then I could spend a whole evening calculating intake velocity, piston speed, and other meaningless bits and pieces regarding my motorcycle, or maybe spend a whole evening listening to a BB king song over and over again.

Having said that I always worry about the future of this planet, the decling morals of society, the ignornace and bigotry displayed across the population, the global financial crisis, work issues and any slight issue during the day that might cause any kind of stress.

I seem only able relate to kids under ten or people twice my age, with one exception, for different reasons. I dont feel too nervous around them and things flow so much easier. Probably because young kids are honest, innocent and curious, not to mention silly! Older people tend to have more wisdom. I seem to have inherited the best and worst aspects of the extreme ends of the mental lifespan, but to be honest I am not one to judge whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

The tired phrase 'act your age' is so overrated! What am I then? A normal 25 year old man, someone who over-uses logic to attempt to steer through life, someone who has a mental age of a 5 year old, a bitter old man who should get over it, or maybe, just maybe someone who is all of these. No wonder I just end up fighting myself most of the time, just for a sense of identity. Not many people have seen all the sides of my personality, most have seen parts of it more than often the negative parts are the surface, the positive parts on the inside. It takes a certain someone to be able to see that inner part, and an even more special someone to appreciate it. Who knows if anyone else will be able to see it apart from my immediate family and a friend ive known for a long time. I am definately not a person who someone can warm to initially, partly for reasons I cannot control, but I guess the goal is learn how to 'fake' the initiation somehow to provide some kind of tunnel into the real part. I cant even imagine how I must seem to people who dont have this tunnel vision. It cant be pretty.

1 comment:

E. said...

Hey there Matt! Thank you for keeping abreast of the articles on my site aspitude!.

Best wishes to you. And yes, the saying "Act your age" can be quite inflammatory.

-Elesia (Shamiraash)